The Undermac Files

A note about the Undermac Files

August 08th, 1998, I started a running collection of people's comments
that were so amazingly funny they needed to be preserved for all to see.
(I ripped off the idea from Iceman, who now goes by the nick Icegod.)
Now, as you can see, the Undermac File has grown to nearly 200K - and
is actually two UMFs. The first one was left on an old HD and lost
accidentally from the zipdisks I was using to transfer data to the new
one, and so (thru my own laziness) I had to start anew - hence the
Undermac File II. Now I've dug out UMF1 again and the two are combined
below. So enjoy, and have a good laugh at these people's expense :)
--Mac-arena the Bored Zo

  _____________________________________
 /                                     \
|  Undermac file    .  ______           |
|               ______/ .               |
|                         by Mac-arena  |
 \_____________________________________/

Since Aug 08, 1998: about new versions of ircle: 09:28 AM: Mac-arena: I won't hold my breath. 09:29 AM: ViperPPC: no...no..please do hold your breath 09:30 AM: DShadow: bat- how about I run your head through my big ass monitor and use it as a capacitance meter? 2:11 AM: Sprfluous: i wanna pair of platform shoes with goldfish in the heels...like from "I'm Gonna Git You Sucka" 2:12 AM: Sprfluous: i also wanna necktie that has a goldfish in it.. 2:14 AM: Mac-arena: Sprf: You'd have to be careful tying such a tie. You might squish the fish. :D 2:14 AM: Sprfluous: mrmac...insta-lunch Taetia: I don't dare drive in America - I'd probably be sued into oblivion 12:17 PM: Avaran: my butt is hurting from sitting in my chair backwards 12:37 PM: knick: well, as long as they've been getting Perry Mason for 30 years, we can withstand Judge Judy 12:45 PM: GrndZero: [censored out per his request] 12:48 PM: DocStein: hey, I was bored for a minute =P 12:48 PM: Sinewave: Flush the toilet Twist: I think something's trying to escape from the kitchen trash.. brb the bot's !seen replies: 04:00 AM: Mac-arena: !seen Mac-arena 04:00 AM: MacGOD: Mac-arena: ? Are you DUMB? 04:00 AM: MacGOD: Mac-arena: Yeah, whenever I look in the mirror.. 04:00 AM: MacGOD: Mac-arena: Go check your eyes.. MacServ is on the channel right now! 04:00 AM: MacGOD: Mac-arena: I never saw anyone. 04:00 AM: MacGOD: Mac-arena: I never saw existence. 04:03 AM: Mac-arena: !seen gruelsmeggreebframminggorksnordrabbingsurlhawdlingribing 04:03 AM: Server: You have been kicked from channel #macintosh by MacGOD (no noone has seen anything go look elsewhere) 04:04 AM: MacGOD: Red6: I last saw me on this channel 3 days 20 hours 26 minutes 14 seconds ago. 04:05 AM: MacGOD: Red6: I never saw you. 09:37 AM: MacGOD: Mac-arena: I last saw myself on this channel 5 hours 31 minutes 59 seconds ago. another cool one :) 04:01 AM: Red6: !seen Jesus 04:01 AM: MacGOD: Red6: I last saw Jesus on this channel 6 days 13 hours 53 minutes 55 seconds ago. about deep voices: 02:01 AM: MacTek: mary says I should offer to do phonesex in a gay chatroom *snicker* 02:01 AM: Mac-arena: <-- ...could sing sub-bass-ment about my bday and MacTek's: 02:16 AM: MacTek: you used to be really annoying. yer cool now tho :) 02:16 AM: Mac-arena: used to be? ;) 02:16 AM: MacTek gives mac-a a look. 02:16 AM: MacTek: glad you're taking it well. 02:16 AM: MacTek: i think. on her math: 02:24 AM: MacTek: i'm tired and not thinking straight 02:25 AM: MacTek: not thinking gay, either, but i'm not thinking straight. 02:29 AM: knick: hm, the sale ad I got from this FURNITURE STORE chain has LAWNMOWERS in it 02:30 AM: JFK: mow your furniture... get rid of all the fuzz 02:31 AM: Mac-arena: maybe for custom-crafting? :) 02:31 AM: MacTek: just mow the cat and be done with it. that'll get rid of the fuzz, too. 02:31 AM: Mac-arena: MacTek - then you need new carpet :) 02:31 AM: Mac-arena: call 911 for your neighbor's house... that'll get rid of the fuzz. ;) 02:31 AM: JFK bites his tongue at the comment that comes to mind 02:32 AM: Mac-arena: JFK - don't tell me... DIY neutering? Pesto: That's whats wrong with republican males. Sperm retention. Sprfluous: yeah, look how fat rush is :) 07:07 AM: _CAT_: this drunk guy at a bar goes off to the toilet 07:07 AM: _CAT_: a couple of minutes later the patrons at the bar hear a scream from the bathroom, followed by cursing 07:08 AM: _CAT_: after a brief pause, this happens again 07:08 AM: _CAT_: on the third time, the bartender has had enough of this stuff, and goes in... 07:09 AM: _CAT_: he knocks on the door, and calls out "Are you OK in there" 07:09 AM: _CAT_: the guy replies, "errI yeah, I did my crap, but every time I go to stand up, something leaps out of the toilet and grabs my balls" 07:10 AM: _CAT_: At this the bartender opens the door and looks inI 07:10 AM: _CAT_: "errI you are sitting on the mop bucket" 12:53 PM: Mac-arena: mregit, don't tell me... yer on shadowbot 12:54 PM: mregit: uhhhh.. nope. I am on anti-histamines. 10:07:36 PM: MacTek: Redvo, you could grow a beard while waiting :D 10:09:42 PM: Avaran: redvo-i ate you last nite 10:20:24 PM: Redvo is really going to puke soon. 10:20:33 PM: Redvo: Oh well.. ice cream puke isn't that bad. 10:20:49 PM: Mac-arena: redvo - yeah... still retains its sweet taste 10:01:15 AM: dtm: Mac-arena whaat city are you in 10:01:23 AM: dtm: Could it be near Huntingon Beach? 10:02:03 AM: Mac-arena: this IS huntington beach ;D 10:02:21 AM: dtm: Mac-arena well.... at least i was CLOSE. 01:17:04 AM: IceBaby: maybe they think Sprf is running a phone-sex line 10:51 PM: Magic_Al: Macs are so easy to use, the help channel can't stay on topic 01:54:17 AM: Sprfluous: caffiene pills and mountain dew...breakfast of champions 01:54:37 AM: MReedB: no its Dr Pepper and Doritos 02:09:46 AM: MReedB: Squibby I tell em the only place I am gonna piss for em is the bathroom or their mouth 02:30:36 AM: Squibby: what do they take for pay? chickens? 08:21:06 AM: Server: Sprfluous has signed off (if i die before i sleep, throw a party, shag a sheep) 11:02:03 AM: Wolv_: Well, boys, I'm off like a herd of turtles. See ya! 12:02:35 AM: BatmanPPC is away - you are getting sleepy...very sleepy...*thonk* ZzZzZzZzZzZzZzZ - messages will be logged [TT] 12:09:59 AM: Squibby: I always miss all the good stuff. 12:10:03 AM: JFK: no you don't ;P 02:27:59 AM: dan-: test drove [a passat] yesterday. i think i creamed all over the seat. 02:30:53 AM: Mac-arena: we have a datsun pickup from who-knows when with mostly flats and no seatbelts in the garage, and I'll prolly inherit it when I'm 16... opinions? :) 02:32:02 AM: joybutton: arena: paint it flashy colors and label it Microsoft Pickup 2000 02:44:36 AM: joybutton: egads.. there's a www.genitalhospital.com 02:49:17 AM: joybutton: "Hey honey..i'm glad you made it.. I was about to start eating a waiter" 04:56:02 PM: macdaddy1: i just found a dead rat in my bathroom 05:02:26 PM: MacTek hums to herself a little dittie about head transplants ... ~ it's my body and i'll die if want to, and buy yours if i want to,takes yours if i want to...~ 05:05:52 PM: MacTek continues to sing her lovely little song about head transplants. ~ i fell down the stairs and crashed on the floor (crashed on the floor), in my head there was a loud snap, my body is totally dead, don't gimme none of your cra-aap...it's my body 05:48:06 PM: Magic_Al: MacTek's exercise sounds like some kind of electromagnetism experiment 05:51:04 PM: MacTek: you know powercords make great jumpropes... 05:51:06 PM: MacTek: they're heavy enough and flexible enough 05:51:19 PM: JFK: tek- makes for a shocking experience if you trip, though 05:51:46 PM: MacTek: JFK- if you *trip*, the cord gets ripped out of your hands. 05:52:09 PM: JFK: tek- unless the item(s) plugged in are firmly attached, in which case you have hardware flying toward you 05:54:00 PM: JFK: tek- I don't jump rope. I'd annoy the people living below me when I spontaneously visited from above 05:59:27 PM: MacTek: every time my mac crashes, i do a minimum of 20 situps, 5 pushups, and 30 jumping jacks ;P 06:01:25 PM: Twist- has the perfect exercise routine.. he sits on the couch and curls a beer until it's empty.. then jogs over to the fridge for another. 06:22:56 PM: Server: Twist- has set the topic on #macintosh to Life's a beer. Drink it up. 10:43:52 PM: Dead_Ed: Me be 29. :-\ 10:44:03 PM: DarkOne: Dead: Old fart. 02:31:08 AM: joybutton: what the hell is Apple smoking 02:31:50 AM: Temporal: skunk 02:34:16 AM: joybutton: url, got your head up your ass? 02:34:16 AM: url: wish i knew, joybutton 11:45:49 PM: Bigr_Foot: My grandfather (Old, yes... wise? errrr....) said the only difference he felt in getting old is that "Now it takes me ALL day to do what I used to DO all day" 11:48:14 PM: Iceman covers phreak's brain in plastique and tosses it back... *BOOM*! 11:59:19 PM: url: rumour has it pesto is http://twists.netra.punching.bag/ 07:02:10 AM: MrMojo pokes his bed in a longing manner 09:00:56 AM: kathee: doo - u'll pass within 1/4 mile 09:01:26 AM: doowop: kathee: send me a smoke signal.... 09:38:58 AM: Twist: well, off to class.. only an hour and a half late. 09:39:05 AM: Twist pats himself on the back. 09:39:08 AM: Mac-arena: hope ya live ;) 09:39:40 AM: Twist: arena: I think that's the most cruel wish for my future anyone's ever given me. 12:38:25 PM: Server: ChrisC was kicked off #macintosh by Avaran (THREATEN ME AND I TURN YOUR ASSHOLE INSIDE OUT WITH A RUSTY NAIL) 07:33:50 AM: MrMojo: holy shit, batman! 06:40:40 PM: url: 151.199.65.23 is Oh.my.god.They.killed.kenny.You.Bastards.optidynamic.com 12:29:39 AM: Squibby: I just saw Les MisŽrables 12:29:50 AM: Dead_Ed: I just saw Les Drunken Nincompoop. 12:29:53 AM: Redvo: depressing. loaf of bread. dead kid. the end. 12:30:19 AM: Dead_Ed: Squibby, did that big ship they got on sink near that iceburg thing? 12:30:22 AM: Dead_Ed: Er, wait... 01:34:38 AM: Twist: well, my house smells like a garage now, but the chair doesn't squeak. 10:26:06 PM: Server: Topic for #macintosh: Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don't have film. 01:07:39 AM: cookiemon: you cried after you ran over a squirrel, but youll trick a fish into swallowing an iron hook? 01:24:09 AM: BaBaBooey: arizona is a racist state :P 01:24:16 AM: BaBaBooey: they burn crosses for christmas 10:02:42 AM: mregit: [knick] needs your money to upgrade a server that has him k lined... .damn, what philanthropy. give him $200! 10:40:14 AM: ^WordlyMa: anyone have a copy of cracks and numbers please msg me 10:41:43 AM: mregit: you think he was doing research for a class project? 10:04:57 PM: Server: satan has signed off (Killed (Coccyx- (I killed the devil!))) 10:24:25 PM: PhReaKyM: Mac: A monitor? Wow! All I have is a printer. 10:24:58 PM: GrndZero: [censored out per his request] 10:36:43 PM: PhReaKyM: Don't ask me where I come up with this stuff. Ask the little man who lives in my pocket 12:42 AM: PhReaKyM is the most photohygenic person on earth. 08:38:59 AM: Sprfluous: you can step on his cock...roach, and he can shoot you with his...gun 09:47 AM: DeepThot: CHILDHOOD, n.: The rapidly shrinking interval between infancy and first arrest on a drug or weapons charge. 09:47 AM: Server: Signoff: Macfreak (The box said Pentium II 400 or better - So I used a Macintosh Plus.) 09:49 AM: ViperPPC: *mental note* dont hit the logout button if you dont want to log out 12:04:29 AM: linda-: what do u get when u cross a dishonest politician with a crooked lawyer? 12:04:46 AM: linda-: Chelsea!!! 12:04:42 AM: Redvo: a republican? 12:05:16 AM: Mac-arena: didn't know chelsea changed parties, redvo ;) 12:05:46 AM: Redvo: She's going to stanford.. she'll turn out libertarian or something 12:08:41 AM: Redvo: linda: I'm a hermaphrodite (shhh it's a secret!!) 12:08:52 AM: Mac-arena: not anymore redvo ;) 12:09:07 AM: Mac-arena posts "redvo is a hermaphrodite" on a few million billboards :) 12:08:51 AM: Morden: you still talking about cars, sprf, or pucks? 12:09:03 AM: Sprfluous: both, morden 12:11:11 AM: Server: LoveWand has signed off (Don't drink and park, accidents cause people.) 12:24:12 AM: Sprfluous: my spaz sister has a dip switch 01:08:33 AM: Twist used to have a vision of taking a pentium, and fwapping it into someone's forehead. 01:08:41 AM: Twist: it'd stick. 01:09:12 AM: Dead_Ed: I once saw a penis that was soooo long.... dude was hanging clothes on it! 02:28:34 AM: cookiemon: being asked out in public by a woman thats 7 months pregnant is a touch embarassing 02:40:22 AM: Morden: resistance is futon 12:20:52 AM: joybutton: Yet Another Reason to Hate MS Windows: almost no consistency between applications, even ones made by Microsoft. 12:32:47 AM: IceBaby: there are a lot of surnames in Vietnam 12:32:53 AM: Sprfluous: i think yer thinkin about Kentucky 12:40:32 AM: Squibby-: okay guys 12:40:36 AM: Squibby-: got a weird problem 12:40:47 AM: Snausages: squibby: viagra is the answer 12:46:20 AM: Sprfluous: pizza goldfish and gatorade for breakfast again... 12:51:38 AM: MReedBX: let's sell macTek to some Arab sheik and split the dough 12:52:00 AM: Sprfluous: reed...$2.50 ain't worth the trouble 12:27:57 AM: Twist: heh... didn't your mother ever tell you that if you can't say anything nice, you should can it before you're beaten down with a bat? 12:28:23 AM: ^Iceman: do i ever say anything nice? 12:32:16 AM: _Heath: I saw Steve Jobs yesterday. 12:32:33 AM: Twist: heath: and you didn't shoot him? you puss. 01:26:47 AM: Mac-arena: I don't suck that bad :) 01:26:57 AM: JFK: macarena- so you suck good? :P 01:27:16 AM: Mac-arena: JFK - hee hee yup ;) 01:29:20 AM: Server: Iceman has signed off (Do unto others, then run...) 07:18:59 AM: GrndZero: [censored out per his request] 07:19:21 AM: Temporal: easy fix..dont go to school 12:12:58 PM: Chiper: I am in a very good mood 12:13:09 PM: Squibby: what? you just get laid? 01:22:17 AM: Dead_Ed shows MacTek his evil, wicked ways... (You can learn a lot from a dummie.( Remember to buckle your condoms.) 11:55:05 PM: Server: DShadow has signed off (This is a test. Were this an actual emergency, you would be panicking right now. This is only a test.) 12:50:23 AM: MaBunny: JFK it's the leaking thing that is the prob :P 12:50:31 AM: JFK: ma- thanks for sharing. really. 12:49:29 AM: Alistair: Bras suck ? I thought the babies did that ! 12:47:51 AM: MaBunny could earn a fortune making sexy nursing bras that were comfortable 12:48:13 AM: JFK: ma- just find bras and cut holes in the middle :P 12:48:39 AM: joybutton: Bunny: be sure that you aren't *wearing* the bra when you cut the holes 12:49:32 AM: MaBunny: bras and high heels were torture devices invented by men to enslave women 02:59:46 AM: ill: does ne one know how much a powerbook 520 is werth?? 02:59:55 AM: Iceman: $5.00 10:57:30 PM: FarmerJoe likes G-3, thank you very much, and I spent the damned $2000 for it, so I'll call it Herb if I want 10:57:44 PM: Snausagez: yay for herb the powermac 11:00:40 PM: Morden: Alientosh: The Power to Eat your Chest 11:17:31 PM: Redvo: twist: wow, that was a nice way to say no i don't think so bitch ;) 11:56:41 PM: knick: ooh, that's good! I'll pack it in AOL CDs 12:24:13 AM: Pesto: twist-what's a pentium? 12:24:26 AM: Twist: Pesto: a new brand of toothpaste, I think. 02:14:29 AM: knick: I guess sprf gets to vacuum the office between calls 12:53:14 AM: cookiemon: heres an interesting term : "digital infotainment" 12:53:23 AM: cookiemon: sounds like a disease 12:56:37 AM: knick: woman has surgery without anesthesia. the dr. gave her muscle relaxant so she can't yell or anything, but no actual anesthesia 12:58:56 AM: cookiemon: cockiemonster? that would go over well on pbs.... 01:05:36 AM: Redvo: "I love my pre-operative, transsexual, lesbian son!" 01:06:47 AM: Nargoth: "If i could rearange the alphabet, i would put U and I together." 01:07:18 AM: Sinewave: I like " I'd love to fuck your brains out... but looks like somone beat me to it" 01:08:06 AM: Sinewave: "Your body's name must be visa, because it's everywhere I want to be." 01:08:12 AM: cookiemon: "did it hurt?" "did WHAT hurt?" "when you fell from heaven, did it hurt?" 01:16:37 AM: joybutton refuses to engage in a battle of wits with an unarmed person. 01:21:41 AM: Nargoth: anybody want thing kewl text file about there weirdo's on alt.drugs eating they're pot and stuff instead of smoking it? 08:00:03 AM: _Ofnir: hmm.. noone in here knows either.. hey, here's an idea, I should find out and i'll be a g0d :D :|~~ 10:49:38 PM: gummi: Lookit, it's V.bis and Baudhead. 11:18:53 PM: Twist needs to write a shirc plug to filter phreak's signoff out. 11:23:05 PM: Twist: I've got a fucking headache 11:23:41 PM: PhReaKyM: fucking headache? As in a migraine originating from prolonged wild hot monkey love in a volkswagen? 07:19 AM: ViperPPC: His personal touch of industrial design inspired a 07:19 AM: ViperPPC: Macintosh for the education market that was a scale model of his lower left wisdom tooth, and more 07:19 AM: ViperPPC: recently, a $1299 beanbag-shaped vacuum cleaner designed for the internet.(--a Mr. Brown, lead VPC guy at Connectix) 07:44 AM: Server: Signoff: Squiffig (My neighbour has a circular driveway. He can't get out.) 11:57:46 AM: Alasdair: Why so quiet? 11:57:58 AM: Alasdair: Who died? 11:58:05 AM: GrndZero: [censored out per his request] 11:59:00 AM: |Data|: one of those little "legs" on the back of this powerbook is broken... it won't stay out when I try to pop it out 12:00:00 PM: VetteMan: you broke it's legs? what are you, a mobster thug? 12:03:11 PM: GrndZero: [censored out per his request] 12:03:34 PM: knick: "computer, establish a level 10 containment field around India and Pakistan" BRRZZZZZP! 12:03:56 PM: knick: there. all safe 12:04:08 PM: VetteMan: Indian Fried head 12:14:48 PM: knick: Wherehouse ad here, just recent, only has three tapes showsn. but there might be more now 12:14:57 PM: GrndZero: [censored out per his request] 12:28:41 PM: Twist: Does wisconsin have cities? 12:29:47 PM: Redvo: weird.. my coat smells like kool-aid. 11:51 PM: joybutton: You've all seen the "made with real california cheese" ads, right? What the hell were they using before? 11:52 PM: Magic_Al: California cheese? You mean like Charlton Heston? 01:24 AM: joybutton wipes his ass with Power Rangers 01:25 AM: PhReaKyM: Old Faithful's my monkey 01:26 AM: Iceman rams Old Faithful up Phreak's ass 01:26 AM: PhReaKyM: ooooh, it's like one of those french butt spray thingies, only toasty warm!!! 01:28 AM: PhReaKyM: you think youbafa gogt parovlems. 01:28 AM: cookiemon: "how much baby?" 01:28 AM: Redvo: more than you can afford sweetcheeks. 10:58:32 PM: Server: silly_jb is now known as rigid_jb 10:58:41 PM: Redvo: oh my! 10:58:52 PM: Redvo doesn't want to know what is rigid. 11:27:49 PM: Alls: How can I install this modem? 11:27:58 PM: joybutton: Alls: plug it in 11:37 PM: joybutton fetches a Bud Light Ice (filtered stale water, i presume) 11:37 PM: hb`: filtered urine 11:38 PM: cookiemon: filtered rat urine 11:48 PM: Alasdair: hb you letting you hair grow out? 11:48 PM: hb`: yeah 11:49 PM: hb`: my nose hair...to my ankles 11:50 PM: MagicBoy: I shaved my Mac.. 12:26 AM: Server: Signoff: cookiemon (since women hold the key to creation, why dont they have all the power?) 12:26 AM: joybutton: men hold a pretty large key too 12:26 AM: Alasdair: Well it'll depend on the man joybutton 01:17 AM: Redvo: wow.. too much gay porn. 01:17 AM: Iceman: didn't need to hear that 02:22 AM: VetteMan: i got my head checked 02:22 AM: VetteMan: by a jumbo jet 02:56 AM: MAX_1: A good altavista search for free pics is: +"nude" +"babe" -"VISA" ;-) 11:06:18 PM: Redvo: tek what or WHO are you doing? 12:25:16 AM: ^Iceman: goddammit! *** iceman is on channels #hotnight #0!!!!!!!!!!younggirlsex 12:27:59 AM: Dead_Ed leaps onto JFK's six-pack o'love and bounces mercifully. 12:28:36 AM: MacTek kicks ed, too. "MINE." 12:28:38 AM: Dead_Ed: How to tell if Dead is not getting sex: he's on IRC 12:28:54 AM: hb`: really? I wont be a drag? 12:29:04 AM: MacTek: [hb]- you can be drag if you want to 12:16:49 AM: JFK: "hey babe, wanna come back ot my zimmer for some pizza and sex? what, you don't like pizza?" 01:30:53 AM: DShadow: tekkie- don't you think you should go to sleep too? 01:31:01 AM: MacTek: john, I will, soon. 01:31:32 AM: DShadow: tekkie- ok, it's soon. Go to bed. ;-) 01:39:09 AM: MacTek: iceman- you mean pain in the class? :P 03:07:14 AM: Redvo: my mind is a blank 03:07:28 AM: hb1 scribbles on Redvo's mind :) 03:30:07 AM: tomtom_: no, bots are stupid, so url isnt a bot 11:17:35 PM: VetteMan: ircle's newest feature: interactive IRC boxing 11:51:28 PM: hb` smacks his bitch up(dr_stein) 01:22:13 AM: Bohunk: Anybody know why my Hewlett Packard Ink Jet printer wont work when I make serial connect? 01:22:32 AM: Twist: bohunk: Did you forget to add milk? 08:04:40 AM: Sprfluous: maintenance better get here soon, or my cat's gonna turn into a pile of moldy fur and pus 12:16:12 PM: BatmanPPC: ds; i dont even have $30 =P 12:16:12 PM: BatmanPPC checks his wallet 12:16:38 PM: BatmanPPC: DS; unless you take mastercard =P 11:30:50 PM: Server: Redvo (superbitch@ip186.sacramento.ca.pub-ip.psi.net) has joined #macintosh 02:20:56 AM: MAX: Mutual undressing then? 10:41:22 PM: Strider1: aww.. my isp only carries 15000 news groops... they are missing alt.binaries.pictures.erotica.unix... gonna miss that one.. :P 12:23:48 AM: TimeLord: aPerson: Why do women always assume I can't find the right hole? ;) 01:07:55 AM: somebear just saw the movie [Spaceballs] with this unforgettable quote "Keep firing, assholes" 01:08:05 AM: JFK: stein- welcome to the information age. Please step to th eright to allow the person better than you who was just born to pass ;) 06:59:32 AM: Babble was nearly beaten by Godzilla last night... 06:59:40 AM: Sprfluous: what, you had sex? 07:02:11 AM: Babble blinks innocently... 07:03:11 AM: Espy[0] wanks innocently... 12:32:10 PM: Mac-arena: riverhead - I know a much better idea: get her a better laptop, one with a p on it :) 12:33:57 PM: RiverHead: mac-a: hey, if i did that she wouldn't see it anymore 11:17:19 PM: Twist glances around nervously, for signs of dshadow. 11:17:45 PM: somebear: twist - ds isn't here, you can speak freely :oP 11:18:18 PM: Twist: somebear: you're kidding right? here the walls not only have ears, they have e-mail accounts. ;) 11:39:39 PM: Twist: fucking mosquito! 11:40:00 PM: Mac-arena: twist - who is this mosquito fucking? ;) 11:40:06 PM: Twist: me! 01:01:03 AM: Server: OrneryGrr (newbie@170-141-4.ipt.aol.com) has joined #macintosh 01:22:31 AM: Mac-arena: Dr. Pepper is lameass soda imitation that tastes like liquefied catshit ;) 01:22:43 AM: aPerson: yum, catshit 02:34:25 AM: Mac-arena: bread-wrapped cowshit 02:34:59 AM: DataPig: mmm, cowshit 02:28:47 AM: fiyo: dogfood ass... 02:28:50 AM: fiyo: ...what a visual 12:25:27 AM: GrndZero: [censored out per his request] 12:25:42 AM: GrndZero: [censored out per his request] 01:38:27 AM: Snausages: hey, where's my drink? 01:38:43 AM: pAsH: i took it snausages *LOL* 11:50:46 PM: Dead_Ed: Oh JFK, I seem to have forgotten all that terrific (?) sex we had. Errr.. wait. That wasn't you. Wasn't me, either. Damn. 12:03:43 AM: cookiemon: ed ill let u have mine if you promise not to laugh at it 12:07 AM: Dead_Ed gets naked. These Hilfiger flag undies have just run up my butt too damned far tonite. 12:08 AM: Redvo: tommy prolly has a small butt 12:08 AM: Redvo: or he enjoys wedgies 11:19:21 AM: Server: LordWurm was kicked off #macintosh by ScrpNazi (NO SCRIPTS FOR YOU) 11:49:56 PM: OSXbutton: Bear River Associates - take the first 3 letters of the first word, the last 3 of the second, and first 3 of the third, and you've got yourself Beaver Ass 02:02:17 AM: url: www.footsex.com is 208.196.154.83 05:52:34 PM: Twist--: Tek: hey, don't fix that. 11:56:25 AM: Server: Steef was kicked off #macintosh by MacGOD (go fornicate with a goat) 03:23:56 AM: Redvo: the problem is.. it can go in two ways. 01:56:13 AM: knick: hm, what to eat NOW? 01:56:21 AM: joybutton: knick: alka-seltzer 02:04:31 AM: knick: SoftPentiumProIIwithSuperMMX 11:33:48 PM: JFK: you go tit, sprf ;P 12:21:23 AM: joybutton: GZ: mine crashes daily. I love it. Keeps me from getting too attached. 01:39:29 AM: Twist: That's not a mac, it's a stylish doormat. 11:56:19 AM: Korendil: it kind of scares me that gates thinks taking satellite photos is research. more of advance scouting, I think, so he can call in the mother ship and have some strategies on hand;> 11:59:12 AM: browse: "Our sensors detect someone using DOS, refusing to upgrade to Windows98." "Set phasers on 'Kill'." 11:48:58 PM: joybutton: wheee.. my computer sucks fat donkey dick through one o' them tiny coffee stirrers. 11:59:29 PM: Server: Squibby was kicked off #macintosh by Sprfluous (Yo momma so slutty that I could've been your daddy, but the guy in line behind me had the correct change.) 02:05:50 AM: JFK: ed- do anything kinky with the frying oil? 02:25:34 AM: Dead_Ed: And now, a moment of silence. 02:25:41 AM: Dead_Ed: BEEEEEEEEELCH 11:35:52 PM: Knick: how could it be too small? what do you mean? 02:29:07 PM: Mac-arena: ]e[ - the PC is psychic and is sensing your intents ;) 02:29:23 PM: ]E[: oh i see... 02:29:46 PM: ]E[: So is there a psychic extension for the mac? 02:35:17 AM: Server: cookiemon has left #macintosh (connection reset by lack of sex) 02:15 AM: Iceman: you know what's pathetic? there's a town in Montana called Joe 03:14 AM: Espy feels music in his pants right now (guess I should get that speaker outta my crotch) 10:02:37 PM: Vipr: my perfroma 6200 is in performa 6200 case 11:59:39 AM: MacTek loves being able to change GrndZero's fly on the jeans. 10:03:45 AM: GrndZero: [censored out per his request] 12:56:01 AM: MaBunny: Saysahga is that a pee target in your urinal? 12:58:05 AM: Sausahga: moving things around with the force of urine?;B) 01:23:00 AM: Server: Mac-arena was kicked off #macintosh by Sprfluous (Yo momma so ugly she looks out the window and got arrested for mooning.) 02:33:16 AM: Sprfluous: "Don't Pee On The Electric Fence" is pretty good 02:33:44 AM: joybutton: Sprf: what about "Don't Fuck a Light Socket"? 02:45:23 AM: GrndZero: [censored out per his request] 02:45:37 AM: knick: feh, it hasn't even made a down payment 01:32:32 AM: joybutton: <-- 43/f/fat/leather underwear/message me for hot transexual action 02:07:01 AM: joybutton: any psycho hose-beast carpet-munching daquiri-drinking reptile enthusiasts? 02:57:36 AM: PhReaKyM: Army Scandal: A female officer was forced to live in a bathroom for eight days. Lieutenant, or Loo Tenant? Find out on the next Dateline NBC. 10:20:17 PM: gummi: I've had enough coffee and espresso today to drown an arab. 12:28:30 AM: Sprfluous urinates on jb's RL friends 09:59:45 AM: Server: LordWurm has signed off (If U want to know what God thinks about money look at the people he gave it to) 03:14:19 AM: joybutton: "A *Carlsbad* family lost their cat two weeks ago and found it today rummaging through the garbage at a restaurant they just happened to be eating in. We'll have the full story after this break." 03:15:10 AM: FatherPi: what's that in the road, a head? 09:15:14 AM: Zimmie: kev - you're a lazy ass :D 09:15:17 AM: kev- woohoo's! I left in all the pertinent stuph... some of it is funnier than the rest. this really happened BTW: 09:41:11 AM: Server: Avaran (here@klwn02m03-178.bctel.ca) has joined #macintosh 09:41:17 AM: Avaran: hey all 09:42:11 AM: Avaran: op me 09:42:46 AM: Avaran: op me 09:43:01 AM: kev-0: why would we op you 09:43:04 AM: Server: kev-0 is now known as kev- 09:43:45 AM: Avaran: you guys dont remember me? 09:43:53 AM: kev-: who are you 09:43:56 AM: Sinewave: ME 09:44:00 AM: Mac-arena: Avaran - we should? 09:44:25 AM: Avaran: I am an op on here! 09:44:35 AM: Mac-arena: Avaran - suuuuuure you are 09:44:35 AM: kev-: under the name avaran, right? 09:44:38 AM: Avaran: YOu guys cant remember me? 09:47:08 AM: Server: Avaran is on channels #macintosh +#dreamwarez 09:48:39 AM: Mac-arena: 09:47:08 AM: Server: Avaran is here@klwn02m03-178.bctel.ca (Bobby G) 09:48:48 AM: Mac-arena: you change your name? ;D 09:49:12 AM: kev-: lets op him 09:49:12 AM: Server: Mode change "+b *!*here@*.bctel.ca " on #macintosh by kev- 09:49:12 AM: Server: Avaran was kicked off #macintosh by kev- (First off none of our ops are ops in warez channels, moreover, PC warez channels. Second, You're impersonating an op who used the name Avaran, moreover, ME. Dum) 12:48:38 AM: joybutton: No materials from any parts of XPICS designated as "XXX" are authorized to or otherwise may be downloaded to persons located in the following areas: Alabama, Florida (except Ft. Lauderdale, Miami, and St. Petersburg), Georgia (except Atlanta), Kansas, except Kansas City, Kentucky, Minnesota, Missouri, Mississippi, North Carolina... 12:48:43 AM: joybutton: ...Ohio (except Cleveland and Cincinnati), Pennsylvania (except Philadelphia and Pittsburgh), South Carolina, Tennessee (except Nashville), Utah, Afghanistan, Kuwait, Iran, Iraq, Japan, Jordan, Libya, Pakistan, The Republic of China, Singapore, Saudi Arabia, Syria, The United Arab Emirates, or any other place in which to do so would constitute a violation of any law, regulation, rule or custom. 12:03 PM: nthd1: mmm. Fusion on VPC. More fun than sniffin' roadkill in august. 12:18 PM: ebunny: ebunny is a 53 year old, balding, potbellied, teacher from Brooklyn N.Y. 10:29:12 PM: Dead_Ed: I want to see kev's scrawny ass 12:50:14 AM: badbutton: what do you call a blonde who dyes her hair brown? 12:50:20 AM: badbutton: artificial intelligence! 01:20:24 AM: Redvo: bored bored bored 01:20:41 AM: yeabutton: derobe derobe derobe 03:20:53 AM: Dead_Ed: oh god that's embarrasing. 03:23:09 AM: Dead_Ed: that dick is really tiny 04:04 AM: KripTik: redvo its showing... 04:05 AM: knick: why do they use "shag" all the time? it's GOTTA be a sheep thing! 11:22:32 PM: badbutton: ugh..parents are home 11:22:45 PM: Magic_Al: badbutton: better close those porn windows 11:25:45 PM: cookiemon: obi: tell me where he lives, i gotta couple boxes of old ammo and some spare time 02:33 AM: MacGuyver: Hey! We don't swim in your toilet so dont pee in our pool! ;) 02:33 AM: Magic_Al: "welcome to our ool. Notice there is no p in it. Please keep it that way." 02:44 AM: Dead_Ed: I should start going to bed 5 hours ago 03:13 AM: Server: Signoff: Dead_Ed (I'm running for orifice in the next erection!) 10:16:11 PM: joybutton: oooh...nipply 12:09:04 AM: koshka: because women crash differently than men 12:09:22 AM: MaBunny: yeah theyhave built in airbags 12:56:19 AM: Dr_Stein: when have you seen my schlong, redvo? =P 12:56:30 AM: Redvo: stein: You showed it off at a party :P 12:57:02 AM: Dr_Stein: was that when gwen updid my fly with her teeth? 02:17:39 AM: GrndZero: [censored out per his request] 02:39:56 AM: GrndZero: [censored out per his request] 02:40:05 AM: GrndZero pulls a $20 outa his pocket 11:57:28 PM: Pristine: Playboy's been after me for years 12:33:49 AM: Redvo: wolv: My tits or Dick? 12:34:53 AM: Wolv: It's alright; I've already seen hers. What's one more set? 12:52:39 AM: url: ^iceman is at http://my.penis.smells.like.swiss.cheese.org(y)/~Iceman 01:13:07 AM: radbutton: I HAVE NO PENIS! 01:13:43 AM: Twist: radbutton: that explains your lack of luck in love, I suppose. 01:13:56 AM: radbutton: i never got that far, doof about the band Presidents of the United States of America: 11:24:18 PM: Magic_Al: Orwell, Clinton doesn't do drums, he's too busy having sax. 03:32:51 PM: radium235: grndzero - up yours 03:33:01 PM: GrndZero: [censored out per his request] 03:34:33 PM: Server: GrndZero_ (~swift@you.must.have.licked.BikerBabe.good.for.your.ircops.org) has joined #macintosh 04:51 PM: Redvo: damnit... I want superbitch@i.sucked.squibbys.dick.for.my.ircops.org 05:55:06 PM: gummi: Well, can you believe the nerve of that Knick to be absent from the channel for over 13 hours, that's a total disregard for channel policy, he should be present and he should be accounted for.. 02:53:51 AM: appldoc-: knick - I'm so broke right now I can't afford to pay attention! 03:44:08 AM: knick: "got a floppy? get Viagra!" 10:33:05 PM: MacTek: (read: i need testicles) 12:49:24 AM: Snausages: xmath: one of these days someone will wise up and the bot will start asking why I had a jar of yak urine 11:04:33 AM: url: free sex is, like, at http://www.grab-a-sheep-and-uNF.com 12:20:12 PM: MacTek keeps misreading the ADB Probe on her desktop as Anal Probe 12:20:38 PM: DShadow: amy- you need help 12:22:21 PM: MacTek: john- would you like to help me? :PP 12:21:10 PM: MrMojo notes theres a very unhappy looking dead spider squashed on my wall and i dont know how it got there 07:45:56 AM: Sprfluous shats on version 18 ways to sunday 08:49:17 AM: Server: MacGOD has set the topic on #macintosh to SHOW ME YOUR TITS DAMNIT! <-- Show me the mammys? 09:48:59 AM: Server: Sprfluous has signed off (Xm4th i5 d4 uB3rH4x0r 4nd h3 1s mY B14tcH) 02:36:53 AM: joybutton: yeah, i'm humping RealAudio 01:53:30 AM: Snausages: "yes, she... god this is hard for me to say in court.... she... WRAPPED her LEGS around me... at... at about... " johnny cochrane: "Where, snaus, where?" Me: "At about WAIST LEVEL!!!!" *sob* 02:06:48 AM: Snausages: hehe... MENSA: teamsters club for people who can't do physical work 04:13:17 AM: JFK has heard of people gettin it on in airplane lavatories 12:32 AM: GrndZero: [censored out per his request] 12:32 AM: GrndZero: [censored out per his request] 12:33 AM: GrndZero: [censored out per his request] 12:33 AM: GrndZero: [censored out per his request] 12:33 AM: GrndZero: [censored out per his request] 12:33 AM: GrndZero: [censored out per his request] 12:33 AM: GrndZero: [censored out per his request] 12:33 AM: ShdwLost: classic: Is that a mirror in your pocket cos I've been seeing myself in your pants all day. 12:38 AM: GrndZero: [censored out per his request] 12:43 AM: GrndZero: [censored out per his request] 12:43 AM: GrndZero: [censored out per his request] 12:43 AM: GrndZero: [censored out per his request] 12:43 AM: GrndZero: [censored out per his request] 12:43 AM: GrndZero: [censored out per his request] 12:45 AM: ShdwLost: 20. Valuable Protein and Other Nutritional Benefits of Things from your Nose 12:46 AM: GrndZero: [censored out per his request] Iceman: heh... at the computer store i work at, we have a LaserWriter from the Stone age which died today... the woman that owns the place says, "The manual says that when both red lights are blinking, you should contact the nearest apple-authorized service center"... the other teenager that works there is like, "But we _are_ an apple-authorized service center! what do we do now?" 03:58:58 PM: joybutton: i don't think i'd be thinking about hot chicks when someone's shoving objects up my ass 02:11:39 AM: GrndZero: [censored out per his request] 12:08:20 AM: Dead_Ed: It's that FU-YUCKING Seagate that's pissing in my milk. 12:08:34 AM: Dead_Ed: Nice boots. Wanna fuck? 02:09 AM: joybutton: I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING SO STOP ACCUSING ME 02:09 AM: MReedB: what did you do jb? 03:03:48 AM: Server: JFK is now known as JFK-sex 03:04:18 AM: Server: knick is now known as JFK-uwish 03:14:30 AM: Dr_Stein: I've never driven that far to get laid much less get a coke =P 10:14:02 PM: cookiemon: hfs = hyper fux0rd syndrome 11:48:08 PM: Zulch: joy, could you please urinate on the 486 laptop for me, I would most appreciate that 11:30:49 PM: Korendil: obi, nuke those goddamned hills of that goddamned nun with yer superlasercannonthingamajig 10:49:53 PM: joybutton: "I'm a nazi propponent of affirmative action" 10:52:06 PM: joybutton: my friend's cat is incredibly friendly all of a sudden.. it used to be really shy 10:52:30 PM: DShadow: jb- it got laid and is looking for more. ;) 03:18:16 AM: foobutton: /MSG flassh is it good? 10:18:11 PM: JFK: They should sell a pamphlet on "how to install your own RAM" for $1/apiece... "It's just like sex. Slide it in and pop." 01:36:45 AM: kev: so i sit by the pool all dya 01:36:46 AM: kev: and work on my tan 01:37:08 AM: IceBaby: are you running out of brown marking pens? 10:03:19 PM: hb: DAMN ME TO THE BITBUCKET AND BACK :( 11:22:31 PM: PhReaKy calls up God on the red phone on his desk. "Um... yes. I'd like to order two large lightning bolts.... Yes, that's right. Extra Crispy... Oh, and I'll have a Large Foot on the side.... No, that'll be for here.... Thank you. 12:38:23 AM: Dead_Ed: KFC PALEONTOLOGISTS RECONSTRUCT 24-PIECE PARTY BUCKET FROM SINGLE CHICKEN LEG 01:45:50 AM: Korendil: david, no, muffin's my sheep. 02:23:50 AM: knick: still not my first choice as a sex toy though 12:33:03 AM: Zentraedi: *Mclaughlin grou voice*-CABLE MODEMS! OPINIONS! 03:49:06 AM: Server: Mozzee has signed off (Connection Reset by screaming people) 11:42:24 PM: Dead_Ed: Lost my damned car this morning... 11:42:42 PM: Dead_Ed: Hit a friggin' deer. 11:43:02 PM: Dead_Ed: Hope that poor deer is dead. 11:43:14 PM: Dead_Ed: Either that or it better cough up about 2 grand. 11:46:05 PM: Dark: Dead, hmm shouldn't your nick be more appropriate as Dead_Deer 11:46:33 PM: Dead_Ed: Dark, actually, it got its happy ass up and ran off 02:46:48 AM: JFK: landon- but... but... sex with you is fun! 01:34:16 AM: Server: MacTek has set the topic on #Macintosh to Magic_Al: They ought to record the voice of the AOL guy into a digital pregnancy test. "You got pregnant!" 01:54:17 AM: badbutton: Mary was in denial about having sex. Obviously she did or Jesus would never have been concieved. They certainly didn't have artificial insemenation back then. Anyway, i bet she was covering up for God, or maybe he raped her. I don't think that's covered in the Bible. 12:09:57 AM: gummi: Yeah, I guess I love my Father, after all he could have turned over and squirted me on the wall. 12:10:32 AM: Knick: just the kind of thing gummi would cum up with 1:49 AM [NOTE] Red6 [Reddy@cof-ppp-052.tpgi.com.au] has quit IRC (Humpty cumpty was PUSHED!) 2:12 AM [NOTE] in missippi if there's a female virgin over 12, it only means she didn't have any brothers these 3 ducks are in trouble and they are going before the judge... judge says to the first duck "what's your name?" "quack" judge says "what are you in for?" duck says "i was blowing bubbles" judge says "50 dollar fine, next..." next duck approaches judge says to the second duck "what's your name?" duck says "quack quack" judge says "what are you in for?" quack quack says "i was blowing bubbles" judge says "50 dollar fine, next..." third duck approaches judge says to the third duck "don't tell me your name is quack quack quack!" third duck says, "nope, it's bubbles" 11:15:41 PM: browse: Krip, so that was you at the KitKatKlub! 03:15:28 AM: Dr_Stein: prostar sucked.. I kept getting hit on by fat women 03:15:59 AM: Mac-arena: Dr_Stein - musta been painful... all that weight being flung into your ribs 03:16:24 AM: Dr_Stein: don't laugh.. I had a chubby one fracture one of my ribs 10:34:21 PM: Redvo: url, tell nargoth about free sex 10:34:21 PM: url: okay, Redvo, i did. 11:29:17 PM: Redvo: I'm going to ping you 69 times damnit 11:29:23 PM: GrndZero: [censored out per his request] 12:08:16 AM: Server: dan- (danl@danl.prognet.com) has joined #macintosh 12:08:20 AM: Dead_Ed: Here's dan-. 12:08:20 AM: Dead_Ed: Pretend we weren't all picturing him naked. 12:08:36 AM: J88: pretend anyone would want to see him naked 03:09:41 AM: Dead_Ed: What happened to the iPC? :D 03:10:05 AM: B-]: prolly went out of business when their son went to college 10:03:19 PM: Snausages: reed: I felt it coming on last thursday, but I hardly noticed it 10:03:38 PM: dx: week-long orgasm? 11:01:08 PM: Server: MacGOD has set the topic on #Macintosh to My god am I sucking these things down fast 07:09:56 AM: BatmanPPC: i have this sudden urge to just reach out and grab the boobs of the girl sitting next to me 01:14:40 AM: Server: hb is on channels #dogsex #dogsex! 11:53:08 PM: Redvo: ed: Still. I don't have a penis, and therefore, I'm not your type :P 11:57:08 PM: GrndZero: [censored out per his request] 12:00:06 AM: GrndZero: [censored out per his request] 12:00:25 AM: Mac-arena: I'd rather have the iMac 12:01:59 AM: GrndZero: [censored out per his request] 12:04:46 AM: GrndZero: [censored out per his request] 12:08:54 AM: GrndZero: [censored out per his request] 12:09:00 AM: Redvo: 8 1.75's of vodka, 3 bottles of champagne, 16 2 litres of ginger ale, 16 2 litres of lemon lime and hawaiian punch concentrate to taste.. makes enough to fill a 32 gallon garbage can with a spigot. 12:11:56 AM: Knick: yeh, I'm a pedophile. those women who ride bicycles just have GREAT legs 12:12:33 AM: GrndZero: [censored out per his request] 12:21:11 AM: GrndZero: [censored out per his request] 12:21:17 AM: GrndZero: [censored out per his request] 12:21:41 AM: JFK: not my parents ;P 12:22:03 AM: GrndZero: [censored out per his request] 12:22:28 AM: JFK: you're telling me. my 'dad' is a child molester 12:22:41 AM: GrndZero: [censored out per his request] 12:31:03 AM: GrndZero: [censored out per his request] 12:31:30 AM: Redvo: zero: Honey... even if you could have me, you wouldn't want me. 12:33:31 AM: Redvo: and his penis is crooked 12:33:49 AM: Redvo checks through her porn for a cute one. 12:34:09 AM: GrndZero: [censored out per his request] 12:35:05 AM: Strider: you ever seen a male elephant? their shlongs drag on the ground practically.. 12:35:14 AM: Strider is half drunk at the moment, if you havn't noticed... 12:35:18 AM: GrndZero: [censored out per his request] 12:35:28 AM: GrndZero: [censored out per his request] 12:36:52 AM: Redvo: ok... i can't find a cute guy in my porn damnit 12:37:09 AM: Strider: Redvo has a porn folder? 12:42:36 AM: Dead_Ed: I just can't have sex with blurry men. 12:45:56 AM: Redvo: Wouldn't be the first time I ever got a boy drunk in my room. 12:46:37 AM: Sausahga: badbutt! :) 12:53:47 AM: GrndZero: [censored out per his request] 12:54:09 AM: Mac-arena: there's a nice thought 01:00:12 AM: GrndZero is god, you fucking morons. The sooner you get that, the sooner we'll all be happy 01:00:49 AM: Espy: you're not even fit to lick a god's boots :P 01:01:11 AM: GrndZero sings "Detachable Penis" and drowns Espy's noise out 01:27:53 AM: Po: dang me dang me better get a rope and hanfg me 01:28:48 AM: DerekS: Gray piss? 01:29:29 AM: Mac-arena: DerekS - s'what they peed in the Wizard of Oz before dorothy went to Oz 10:27:52 PM: GrndZero: [censored out per his request] 10:59:43 PM: -GrndZero[swift@come.on.guys-lets.go.start.a.cult.and.haqforjesus.com]- Would the owner of "[kev!kev@dial24.as4.c-com.net] you decided to eat me? ha!" please step forward? 12:45:04 AM: Redvo: god i want this girl 12:49:47 AM: GrndZero: [censored out per his request] 12:49:53 AM: GrndZero: [censored out per his request] 12:49:54 AM: GrndZero: [censored out per his request] 12:49:54 AM: GrndZero: [censored out per his request] 12:49:54 AM: GrndZero: [censored out per his request] 12:49:57 AM: GrndZero: [censored out per his request] 11:35:09 PM: GrndZero: [censored out per his request] 11:46:28 PM: Dr_Stein dcc's GrndZero a slutty ho 12:03:58 AM: Server: Dr_Stein (~leetcheez@cheezwhiz.jps.net) has joined #macintosh 12:12:36 AM: GrndZero: [censored out per his request] 12:13:01 AM: Dr_Stein: 12:10 AM: *** GrndZero is on channels #sacramento #Macintosh +#StarWars #debian @#goatporn 10:41:35 PM: funiv: I wonder if GZ electrocuted himself while trying to fix the floppy drive? 03:02:31 AM: Dead_Ed pulls condoms over G_SUS's head 03:12:50 AM: Dead_Ed: i'm going to watch a porno and go to bed 03:14:59 AM: MacTek: ed- ...he's just making a mess of his keyboard, dreaming of you ;) 03:15:51 AM: Server: Topic for #Macintosh: I'M...GOING TO MD TO BOFF AMY! redvo's gonna bush-bump amy ! 03:15:57 AM: Dead_Ed strips G_SUS naked and puts thumb tacks on his bum. 03:16:06 AM: MacTek: *** G_SUS is on channels #hottub #Macintosh @#slut 03:16:08 AM: MacTek: mwahah :D 03:17:18 AM: Dead_Ed: *** G_SUS is on channels #hottub #Macintosh @#slut #Dead_Ed_naked_Gallery_of_the_Stars 03:19:51 AM: G_SUS: *** Dead_Ed is on channels #ducksex #macintosh #poopoo_in_my_mouth #poopoo_in_my_mouth_and_I_LOVE_IT! #poetry #homeopathic_medicine #pechrulipassion 07:05:02 AM: Mac-arena: there are times when I LIKE to have email. 07:05:24 AM: Catarina: you mean my love letters ? 10:54:12 PM: Redvo: ma: See, no explicit content :) 10:54:19 PM: Snausages: what? 10:54:25 PM: Snausages: who took away the explicit content? 10:54:29 PM: Snausages: bring it back!!! 10:58:11 PM: Redvo: no! 10:58:16 PM: Redvo: no flexibility! (right on!) 10:52:25 PM: Server: Topic for #macintosh: all the #ircle people seem to do is send sounds and mess with their face files and videostream. 11:06:36 PM: Snausages: ...I'd rather my kids be looking at naked people than trying to join a cult of midnight goat slayers or something 3:27:27 PM: joybutton: Yo' momma so stupid she was walkin by the YMCA and said, "Look, somebody spelled Macy's wrong." 11:41:35 AM: MacTek tells dshadow where he can shove it 12:05:47 PM: Server: DShadow has set the topic on #macintosh to Wanted cheesed or alive for pepperoni molestation: MacTek. Subject is considered armed and extremely dangerous. 11:45:42 PM: Strider got fucking drunk last night, woke up with a hangover only to find that he was out of Tylanol. 11:18:21 PM: Sprfluous: pee onMo man 11:18:25 PM: BeerStein: fuck you!!! there's a chick sitting right behind me!!!!! 11:19:42 PM: BeerStein: fuck you!! =P my roommate is in the other room!! with.. uh.. probably a chick or something.. =P 11:19:48 PM: BeerStein: maybe it's a sheep 03:01:37 AM: GrndZero: [censored out per his request] 03:03:53 AM: GrndZero: [censored out per his request] 03:03:54 AM: GrndZero: [censored out per his request] 03:06:42 AM: GrndZero: [censored out per his request] 03:10:18 AM: GrndZero: [censored out per his request] 03:10:20 AM: GrndZero: [censored out per his request] 11:37:39 PM: MegeDeth: I've been playing this game at 7-11. You buy a card. You take a penny and scratch it on a stranger's head. If the number under there matches the one on your card, you win 100 dollars... 11:38:08 PM: MegeDeth: I've won twice. 11:38:26 PM: MegeDeth: I've been beaten up 11 times. 11:38:12 PM: Espy: stranger's heads have numbers on them? 11:45:47 PM: Dead_Ed fantasizes about Catholic Nuns flying over a field of naked guys screwing the Pope. 12:24:46 AM: Zentreadi: Every woman wants a gay man. 12:25:01 AM: MacTek: we only want *some* gay men 12:25:20 AM: MacTek snacks [on] Sprf 12:27:37 AM: Sprfluous: you in crack, WinNT? 12:46:21 AM: GrndZero: [censored out per his request] 12:37:11 AM: Dead_Ed is having phone sex with Snausages. 12:39 AM: Twist_: GrndZero: [censored out per his request] 04:26:28 PM: kev: I SMOKE WEED IM A HOMOSEXUAL 04:26:30 PM: DShadow: wow...kev's finally coming out of the closet 04:29:00 PM: Server: GrndZero was kicked off #macintosh by kev (ok dood when yer grandmother has glacoma and you see things on tv that SAY it does...then you can fucking tell me what i know) 04:29:10 PM: kev: kids always smoke in the school bathroom 04:29:21 PM: kev: it smells the bathroom up when i try to piss 04:29:29 PM: kev: believe me, they give it out in joints 04:29:29 PM: kev: not pills 04:29:30 PM: kev: you dont put weed in a pill 04:29:35 PM: GrndZero: [censored out per his request] 10:26:14 PM: DShadow wonders how his system partition only has 1mb free 10:27:27 PM: DShadow: ...I had 50mb of stuff in the trash 10:28:57 PM: timeless: ds, you missed it, my c drive had 0 BYTES free 10:29:17 PM: DShadow: tieless- congratulations 12:43:09 AM: Strider-: mmmm.. did you guys hear about this sushi bar in German that serves its sushi on Nude women? 12:44:52 AM: Strider-: for the women in the area, a restaurant down the road announced that it was going to start using naked men as living platters for shnitzel. Eatting with forks and knives is discouraged. 12:25:19 AM: Dead_Ed: his dick is bigger than yours, red 12:25:34 AM: Rquar: Redvo: now there's a cute trick 12:27:20 AM: adam: don't make me kick your ass twist 12:32:30 AM: adam: your nose didn't remind of a tulip, but it is cute 10:45:34 PM: Redvo: david has a big wang 12:07:56 AM: Server: Sprfluous was kicked off #macintosh by kev (*points to penis* *points to you* *points to penis again*) 9:47:48 PM: JFK: tek... that's not mayonnaise 10:07:20 PM: cassiopea: i wanna see these new imacs 10:13:16 PM: david-: "Fighting for peace is like fucking for virginity -- it doesn't work." 10:19:15 AM: GrndZero: [censored out per his request] 10:19:42 AM: ||Data||: what about Janet Reno's dress? 10:19:51 AM: JFK: data- I didn't need that thought. I just ate. 10:24:53 AM: GrndZero sucks down a few things to try running under Wine 9:52:46 PM: {{nika}}: woops...sorry, just thinking here 11:43:36 PM: MacTek: Redvo thinks of my Linux box when she masturbates?? 03:51:51 PM: GrndZero: [censored out per his request] 03:52:09 PM: Twist: GrndZero: It doesn't seem to be rocking you too hard tonight. 04:26:27 PM: MReedB: MacTek is a trisexual alien from Pluto 04:26:49 PM: MReedB: don't ask me what that makes JFK :P 11:59:05 AM: DShadow: steve- with all due respect, you are a moron. 11:59:14 AM: SteveJobs: thank you shadow 12:10:35 PM: DShadow: steve- ok, I've downgraded my opinion of you. You are no longer a moron. You are an idiot. 12:12:36 PM: Server: SteveJobs has signed off (Ping timeout for SteveJobs[p102.tc1.metro.MA.tiac.com]) 12:13:12 PM: DShadow: I call him an idiot and he pings out. I wonder if that'll work on other people? ;-) 12:14:02 PM: Cameroon: hmm... any good/small (I MEAN SMALL!!!) C compilers for the mac? 12:14:16 PM: DShadow: small? 12:14:27 PM: DShadow: please excuse me while I have a laugh at your expense 11:44:35 PM: joybutton: JFKing sucks 11:50:14 PM: MacTek: twist- i'll bet my hips are a lot wider than yours tho ;P 01:03:37 AM: MacTek thinks she should put on some... clothing 01:05:41 AM: MacTek: i tossed all clothing i had on... into the washer :P~ 01:07:23 AM: JFK1: I was browsing my prefs folder... ircle's prefs were 3.4 megs 01:07:44 AM: JFK1: "warning: Pref 267 is duplicated" 01:08:00 AM: JFK1: 90 deletes later or so, the prefs are now 160k ;P 01:15:38 AM: joybutton: <-- cute, strong, athletic, sweet, musical, poetic, intelligent, cultured, gallant, philosophical, etc etc etc. /msg me cuz i'm perfect. 01:16:07 AM: joybutton: "Windows has detected that you are trying to install a 3rd party software product on your PC. This is not recommended as it is unsupported and may be incompatible with various Windows features. Choose 'continue' to proceed with the installation at your own risk. Choose 'Fuck me up the ass, Bill' to cancel." 01:31:15 AM: GrndZero pisses farther. faster. and better. 02:44:24 AM: JFK: my aim is shitty 02:52:43 AM: Snausages: jb: every french bakery I've seen (complete with those weird ass steam ovens) makes these elongated rocks, which are not only delicacies, but are also supposedly fit for human consumption. 02:52:59 AM: Snausages: Unfortunatelly, they usually require a hammer and chisel thanks redvo... 02:35:08 AM: Redvo: Alasdair: hehehe it is a tad small 02:35:08 AM: Redvo: joybutton: that too 02:35:08 AM: Redvo: Korendil: not if you hold it correctly 02:35:08 AM: Redvo: Korendil: jb, are you putting you whole palm on it? 02:35:08 AM: Redvo: Korendil: or just fingertips? 02:35:08 AM: Redvo: joybutton: Kor: the ball of my palm, i think 02:35:08 AM: Redvo: joybutton: right where to fingers meet up 02:35:08 AM: Redvo: Korendil: jb, well, that's yer problem 02:35:56 AM: Redvo: joybutton notes that the drought has saved him drowning, but now he'll die from not being able to make sweet love to his admirers 02:35:57 AM: Redvo: joybutton: but damnit, I will 02:35:57 AM: Redvo: Redvo: jb: What is with you tonight? 02:35:57 AM: Redvo: Redvo: You're being such a drama queen :P 02:35:57 AM: Redvo: joybutton: i am? 02:35:57 AM: Redvo: joybutton: i thought the smilies made it more light hearted 02:36:00 AM: Redvo: Redvo: jb: Hey, drama queens can still be lighthearted :P 02:36:02 AM: Redvo: joybutton: ahh good 02:36:03 AM: Redvo: * joybutton is now known as DrmaQueer 02:36:06 AM: Redvo: DrmaQueer: err 02:36:08 AM: Redvo: * DrmaQueer is now known as DrmaQueen 02:37:33 AM: Redvo: Redvo seckses Twist. 02:37:33 AM: Redvo: Twist: I can't think that'd be hard to hack into rxvt 02:37:34 AM: Redvo: Twist continues the linux discussion over Redvo's shoulder. 02:37:34 AM: Redvo: Redvo: *snicker* 02:37:34 AM: Redvo: Redvo: Proof, ladies and gentlemen, that Linux is better than sex. 02:37:34 AM: Redvo: Twist: Redvo: hey, I'm multitasking. 02:38:12 AM: Redvo: Licntious whips out his dictionary 02:38:12 AM: Redvo: Licntious: licentious means... 02:38:13 AM: Redvo: Licntious: lacking legal or moral restraints 02:38:13 AM: Redvo: Licntious: yup 02:38:13 AM: Redvo: Licntious: that's me 02:38:13 AM: Redvo: Licntious: superfluous means... 02:38:15 AM: Redvo: Licntious: exceeding what is sufficient or necessary 02:38:17 AM: Redvo: Licntious: marked by wastefulness 02:38:19 AM: Redvo: Redvo: oh yah 02:38:20 AM: Redvo: Redvo: thats you 02:38:23 AM: Redvo: Licntious: extravagant 02:38:25 AM: Redvo: Licntious: and.. 02:38:27 AM: Redvo: Licntious: username...despondent... 02:38:29 AM: Redvo: Licntious: lesse... 02:38:31 AM: Redvo: Licntious: feeling extreme discouragement, dejection, or depression 02:38:32 AM: Redvo: Redvo: thats not you 02:38:35 AM: Redvo: Redvo: that's twist 02:38:39 AM: Redvo: Licntious: yeah... need to change that 02:39:57 AM: Redvo: joybutton: can i email it? 02:39:58 AM: Redvo: joybutton: hehe 02:39:58 AM: Redvo: Dead_Ed: haha 02:39:58 AM: Redvo: Dead_Ed: um, no 02:39:58 AM: Redvo: joybutton: c'mon.. i wasted all that time compressing it 02:39:58 AM: Redvo: Dead_Ed: I'll just picture some ugly bitch giving an ugly guy head and see you squirming all over going, "goodie goodie, I like this part!" and then I'll just laugh, thank you. :D 02:40:01 AM: Redvo: joybutton: must've taken an hour for that 5MB file..ended up chopping off 2.1MB, though 02:40:03 AM: Redvo: Dead_Ed: bwa hahahaha 02:40:05 AM: Redvo: Dead_Ed: You needed the practice. :D 02:40:07 AM: Redvo: Dead_Ed: You were prolly beatin' off editing it anyway. :D 02:40:09 AM: Redvo: Dead_Ed gets cruel at 4AM 02:40:20 AM: Redvo: joybutton: oh puhleeze 02:40:23 AM: Redvo: Dead_Ed: hahaha 02:40:25 AM: Redvo: Dead_Ed: < feeling eveel now 02:40:27 AM: Redvo: joybutton: it doesn't even play the movie while converting 02:40:28 AM: Redvo: joybutton: *sigh* 02:40:31 AM: Redvo: joybutton: lol 02:40:33 AM: Redvo: Dead_Ed: you're a heavy thinker 02:40:35 AM: Redvo: Dead_Ed: hahaha 02:40:37 AM: Redvo: Dead_Ed: :o 02:40:41 AM: Redvo: Dead_Ed is still laughing. 02:40:41 AM: Redvo: Dead_Ed started laughing when "Too_Pretty_for_Porn.mov.sit" came up on the screen. 02:41:30 AM: Redvo: ttilmm: and i got the best of tom jones cd 02:41:33 AM: Redvo: ttilmm: which is like fucking awesome 02:41:33 AM: Redvo: ttilmm: amazing 02:41:33 AM: Redvo: ttilmm: i throw my panties at the stereo when i listen 02:42:04 AM: joybutton turns himself into a frog and waits for a beautiful girl to kiss him 02:42:23 AM: Redvo: Redvo ponders sleep. 02:42:26 AM: Redvo: JFK ponders sleep with Redvo 02:42:26 AM: Redvo: JFK looks at what he just said 02:42:26 AM: Redvo: Redvo: I'll tell Amy! 02:42:26 AM: Redvo: Redvo ponders sleeping on the couch. 02:42:26 AM: Redvo: JFK: eh... I think I need to rephrase that, lest it be misinterpreted ;P 02:43:06 AM: Redvo: kev-: i cant help unix rocks your world :P 02:43:06 AM: Redvo: Redvo: kev: *thwappe* 02:43:10 AM: Redvo: Redvo: not my world honey.. i dont get off on command lines 02:43:15 AM: Redvo: Redvo: aeoha 02:43:17 AM: Redvo: Redvo: Gnome.. is that what you call yer little friend? ;P 02:43:19 AM: Redvo: Redvo: haha 02:43:21 AM: Redvo: kev-: : ( 02:43:23 AM: Redvo: kev-: heh. 02:43:25 AM: Redvo: kev-: He's more of a dwarf. 02:43:27 AM: Redvo: kev-: Short, but pudgy 02:43:53 AM: Redvo: GrndZero: [censored out per his request] 02:43:53 AM: Redvo: GrndZero: [censored out per his request] 02:43:53 AM: Redvo: Redvo: zero: Stop trying to seduce me in binary. 02:36:36 AM: Redvo: Dead_Ed: cops suck 02:36:36 AM: Redvo: Dead_Ed: unless you're fucking them 02:36:36 AM: Redvo: adam`: yeah 12:51:12 AM: Redvo: vile_iago: okay, if I relate it to sex somehow, could someone help me w/a CD-ROM problem?:) 02:37:03 AM: TomFool: Did Ed finally get laid? 02:40:42 AM: Redvo: I collect long ones. Sorry. :) 02:41:37 AM: TomFool: so you throw the small ones back then 02:41:45 AM: Redvo: *grin* 02:41:45 AM: Redvo: yes :) 02:44:39 AM: TomFool: Anything that can't be said in 80 characters or less isn't worth saying. 02:48:00 AM: TomFool: "After you dissect a frog, you may understand it better. 02:48:01 AM: TomFool: But after you dissect it, it's dead." 02:48:01 AM: TomFool: -- Mark Twain 02:55:59 AM: TomFool: Of COURSE it bounces; I KNOW it does! 02:56:32 AM: TomFool: Now that I have your ear, Mr. Van Gogh... 02:56:36 AM: joybutton scratches his crotch 02:56:44 AM: TomFool: You're not drunk if you can lay on the floor without holding on 02:57:50 AM: TomFool: SATAN for President! Why settle for the lesser evil? 02:57:46 AM: seni|e: i thought joy was a chic :oP 02:58:02 AM: joybutton: seni|e: i have that effect on people 02:58:34 AM: joybutton readjusts the brassiere 02:58:50 AM: joybutton: eww, lipstick is starting to smear 10:44:02 PM: adam`: cassie, watch your coolers 10:44:08 PM: adam`: people like to rip them off. 11:54:19 PM: Sprfluous: oh god SaintStrf is comparing the real world to star trek 11:54:26 PM: Sprfluous: god save the queen 12:40:19 PM: pcbutton: arena: iMac and blue G3 are entirely different computers. Of course they're not the same 01:03:08 PM: timeless waits for kev to test !idle, otherwise he'd be taking !die site un!seen 12:20:47 AM: Twist: I don't think my laptop has the balls for this. 12:21:00 AM: ChrisC: twist, your laptop has balls? that's quite a PC card... 12:22:07 AM: Redvo: *GrndZero* did I ever tell you that you make me want to play with my penis? 12:22:15 AM: GrndZero: [censored out per his request] 12:44:05 AM: VicKipper: I just hire people like Red here to talk up my weirdness. I'm in the process of getting an entire P.R. firm. 12:45:52 AM: Redvo: OH I DID NOT SEE DR. RUTH NAKED ON MY TV. 10:26:37 PM: Server: Topic for #macintosh: Magic_Al was afraid to watch B5 because he felt he wouldn't understand it without having seen B1-B4. 10:32:06 PM: PhReaKyM: should I report this to the DEA or the FDA or something? 10:32:15 PM: PhReaKyM: Maybe the KKK 10:34:27 PM: PhReaKyM pokes Squibby's dead body. "You gonna be OK?" 11:07:10 PM: Zentraedi: I followed a friend into a public bathroom where he worked. I sat in the stall next to him, reached under the stall and grabbed his foot. It's been years, but I can still remember his yelling. :) 12:04:13 AM: Server: PhReaKyM has signed off (Back by popular demand (well, Ivo): PhReaKy, phunky, chunky, SPAM, winky, wonky, garbage can, I am just a stupid man, won't you sing along?) 10:38:23 PM: MReedB: heh i wonder if the Big Bang is God's way of pressing Reset 10:38:36 PM: timeless: MReedB, yes 10:38:41 PM: Mac-arena: "ctrl, cmd, pwr... *BEWM*" 10:38:45 PM: ToolBoy: no, it's his way of pressing the power button 10:38:58 PM: ToolBoy: but those are different philosophies :P 10:38:50 PM: MReedB: according to the Bible this is like the 7th reset? 10:39:05 PM: timeless: whose bible? 10:38:59 PM: Snausages: reed: if that's true, this must be the universe with the blinking floppy icon. 10:39:05 PM: Mac-arena: must be an unstable universe 11:09:13 PM: Snausages: gz: what are you payin? 11:09:23 PM: GrndZero: [censored out per his request] 11:13:48 PM: DerekS: Dead_Ed: Well we can find a loohole 12:47:21 AM: VetteMan: hey, i can use a PC I must be smart..... 12:55:20 AM: Mac-arena: a women? 12:55:34 AM: VetteMan: multiple personalities 10:57:00 PM: Skeeter^: Does anyone here use Quicken to write their checks? 10:57:18 PM: Mac-arena: to write them? 10:57:22 PM: Mac-arena: I'd rather use a pen. 10:57:34 PM: Mac-arena: writing with a Quicken99 box wouldn't put much ink on it. 11:12:51 PM: TomFool: good bot url! Here's some cash, go get yourself a hooker. 09:33:38 PM: Server: kathee has set the topic on #macintosh to The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, cause the average man can see better than he can think. 12:27:24 AM: Server: REDW00D has signed off (A rule with no exceptions; if it has tires or tits - you are gonna have trouble with it.) 01:02:43 AM: zulchie: you have massive geek brainpower at your disposal, red 01:08:07 AM: Redvo: yeah i don't have an electric antenna 01:08:22 AM: Mac-arena: redvo - you mean yours is wind-up? 11:33:06 PM: Redvo wants to join the Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence. 11:33:09 PM: Redvo: They let in girls now. 11:33:09 PM: Snausages: I am 2 or 3 fucked up individuals. 11:08:00 PM: Nadia` calls a halt until we all get our typing straightened out.. it's too damn late for me to be trying to read typoese EOF... for now :) You never know when I might be watching :) (But in case I'm not, send submissions to: macrulez@softhome.net )